he who knows does not speak

Back at Centre.  It really feels like I'm starting college all over again.  And thats not a good feeling.  But I'm still incredibly excited about this year and it's possibilities.  Plus, I'm ecstatic because I got to talk to Paul today and I've finally figured out how to text the UK.  Life is good.
Lets hope that 2 weeks from now I can still say that :)

PEOPLE - ANYONE - 
I'm back at centre and alll allll alone because Carrie and Karen are STILL not here.  Please come visit me -Rodes Apt 2nd floor. 

What the fuck am I going to do with myself:

two more weeks

Look how small that is, look how miniscule and unimportant it seems. I realize now I have two more weeks, and compared to 10 months of living in a different country, on my own, fighting to survive on american money which is basically worth shite, two weeks seems like the smallest amount of time in the history of the world.

A fortnight and I have to say goodbye to all of this, to my friends, and my pseudo-boyfriend, and the experiences that I know I'll never have again.
It's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to prepare myself for. I know it's what has to be done - but trust me, if I could get away with it, I'd never come back.

In the days that followed, Jonathan saw that there  was  as  much  to
learn about flight in this place as there had been in the life behind him.
But with a difference. Here were gulls who thought as he thought, For each
of them, the most important thing in living was to  reach  out  and  touch
perfection in that which they most loved to do, and that was to fly.  They
were magnificent birds, all of them, and they spent hour after hour  every
day practicing flight, testing advanced aeronautics.
     For a long time Jonathan forgot about the  world  that  he  had  come
from, that place where the Flock lived with its eyes tightly shut  to  the
joy of flight, using its wings as means to the end of finding and fighting
for food. But now and then, just for a moment, he remembered.

Richard Bach - Jonathon Livingston Seagull

"The desire for contemplation arises from the love for its object: for. The desire for love opens the eyes of the beholder"
Thomas Aquinas (In Sententiarum III)


It's definite now, inescapable - June 9th I return to the US.

I happened upon this book the summer of 2002 - which was an entire lifetime ago. But no matter where I seem to be, I keep chancing upon something that brings it back to mind. It's the most inspiring, thought-provoking, heart-wrenching book I've ever read. 

The Last Summer of Reason
A bookseller battles the bizarre restrictions of a totalitarian regime in this final novel by Tahar Djaout, an Algerian novelist, poet and journalist who wrote the book just before being assassinated by Islamic fundamentalists in 1993. The manuscript for this novel was found is his papers after his death, and so is in unfinished form.

"Silence is death. And you, if you speak, you die. If you are silent you die. So, speak and die."

Back from Edinburgh (PICTURES ON FACEBOOK) It was absolutely amazing!

I only have about a month left here and it's incredibly difficult to imagine coming back to Ky. It feels like ages have passed - and I don't know what to expect. Something new hopefully, and a new way of viewing things that I had become complacent and adjusted to. I'm still having so much fun here, but finals are on their way...

Progress

And once again the depths of my life rush onward,
as if they were moving in wider channels now.
Things are becoming more close to me
and all images more thoroughly looked upon.
I feel more comfortable with that which is nameless,:
With my senses, as with birds, I reach up
into the windy heavens out of the oak,
and in those pools broken off from the day,
my feeling, as if standing on fishes, descends.

Rainer Maria Rilke

St. Patrick's Day... in Ireland... and I'm not quite sure I've even recovered yet.

There are so many stories to tell.
Of Scottish rugby players, and hooking up in pubs with local guys, and understanding luck, and the adventure that one finds when you allow yourself to simply take the chances that you were always afraid of.


miss you :)

I know that I should be updating more. Especially as so much is happening here, and this time has been so good to me. But, as is usual with time, moments pass too quickly and everything else seems like eternity.
I truly cannot believe how much this is changing me, it's quite surprising, unexpected, but very welcome.

I miss home and everyone I know, but I'm not done with this yet - and I'm fairly sure it's not done with me.


Song of the Open Road
Walt Whitman

1
Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
Strong and content I travel the open road.

The earth, that is sufficient,
I do not want the constellations any nearer,
I know they are very well where they are,
I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,
I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,
I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,
I am fill'd with them, and I will fill them in return.)

2
You road I enter upon and look around, I believe you are not all
that is here,
I believe that much unseen is also here.

Here the profound lesson of reception, nor preference nor denial,
The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas'd, the
illiterate person, are not denied;
The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar's tramp, the
drunkard's stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,
The escaped youth, the rich person's carriage, the fop, the eloping couple,
The early market-man, the hearse, the moving of furniture into the
town, the return back from the town,
They pass, I also pass, any thing passes, none can be interdicted,
None but are accepted, none but shall be dear to me.

Yeah I KNOW. Quizzes... but hey I'm all settled in here and when you just wanna waste time(whether in the states or n.ireland) there's nothing better than the internet.

You're the National Autonomous University of Mexico!

Large and in charge, you really know how to take command of
your area. You are known for great leadership in almost everything you put
your mind to, and have fostered an attitude of untouchability in your
stature. Though this stature makes you seem unapproachable, you end up
talking with more people in a day than many do in a lifetime. With all
these connections, it's easy to forget how old you feel most of the time.
Now if only you could breathe clean air regularly, you'd be all set.


Take the University Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're East Timor!

You're small and lonely and have finally gotten free of a very bad
situation.  It seems like everyone was willing to rescue you, though the wait was
excrutiating for everyone to wake up and set you free.  Now you're still lonely,
but happier in the loneliness since you never really liked people to begin with.
 And people respect you more than you really think they should, using you as an
example for what they hope to accomplish.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

You're a Dodo!

Awkward and rather unsure of yourself, you can never quite seem to
keep up with everyone else. This sense you have of falling behind has only
heightened over the years, and you are beginning to wonder if you'll be forgotten
about entirely. When they do consider you, most folks think you're rather stupid.
What they don't know is that they'll miss you if you ever leave, even though they
assume they won't. At the moment, people still don't want to go your way.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're The Catcher in the Rye!

by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an
ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from
everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people
in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as
they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous
psychotics.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I also think most of these results are quite humorous.